Be More. Give More (collectively,that is..)

Today was quite interesting..from beginning to end,truthfully.

I have soo much on my brain. Insanity would be the proper modification for the state I'm in. Nothing negative..oh,dear..it's nothing negative..it's just chaos pertaining [net]working. I attended a beauty event at Saks,yesterday with R.,and it's been quite interesting hanging out with him. He's been pushing,pushing,pushing me to do more and give more and that's what I've been trying to do. Be more. Give more. I'm ensconced in soo much "better yourself" literature..it's chaotic but,so enlightening... I'm currently reading three books at the same time..and as difficult as I thought it to be..it's really,really not that bad.

[shrug]

- So,ReVive had a beauty event at Saks and R. and I were invited by LaToya,a friend of his..client of mine. We arrived..we were seated on this VIP-esque sofa and drank martini's and chardonnay..R. purchased a few items for us to experiment with..a cleanser and aloe based toner $150..and a $250 micro-dermabrasion system. Great. Oh,shit..let's not forget the serum..I started my experiment this morning..I used my usual cleanser and I used the moisturizing serum. It's great. It polishes. It's not Pat Wexler..but,it's pretty good stuff. Lots of my clients use Patricia Wexler's skincare products and it works beautifully..but,this product is worth endorsing. Indubitably.

-So,anyway..we checked out a new little sneaker store and headed to do a rehearsal and we headed home so,he could pack for a ceremony he was scheduled to attend over the weekend. After I sang my darling friend to sleep...I sat in the bed in the dark staring at the ceiling,mind consumed with thoughts of a changed life..actually making a name for myself in my city,something I'd expected to be done..but,didn't know quite where to start. So,anywho..I started to concoct make up ideas for the inauguration ball on Tuesday,being thrown by LaToya & her friend Tammy. I started to think of a life ever changed due to networking at this event. Thoughts then,switched over to the opportunity of being brought into the studio and making things happen with my voice..

(which is something I've dreamed of since I was a kid..pursuing my singing career has always been something I've held tightly to. I do alot of great things..I'm not great at dancing...not great at many things..but,one thing I know,I strive to improve is my voice. I've had NO formal training..I was gifted with an instrument most with formal training are still )wishing and hoping for).

I laid there thinking of the benefit a second go-round granted-the things I would do differently,the changes I would make,et cetera...Collectively,all would benefit. So,for me to indulge in what is and what would be,wouldn't be fair..I've had a pretty decent life but,I certainly would love have that second chance. I can't express enough how I foresee a direction in which my life is taking and the changes that will take place. Thanks to those,I've come to associate myself with. It's a beautiful thing. The optimism. Who knew optimism was so exemplary.

(exhale)

I have a vision. Have always had a vision of what my life is suppose to be versus what it is..

As far as,what I want it to be..I'm heading towards it,enthusiastically.

Eradicating harmful habits..destiny mutilating thought patterns..eww-yucky-gross behavior patterns..(not hygienic wise..but,things like,profanity<-eww-yucky-gross,see?)

-Today was the beginning..7am this morning,I was picked up by his driver,in the new '09 two door benzo..to be brought to my home. Although he took the absolute longest effin' way to get to my house,it was nice. I had the time to exalt and just bask in my glory..I was also reminded of what life use to be like,when I took life for granted.. I firmly believe,I was knocked out of my "glory",because I was losing my humility and my true sense of self in these material possessions. Blind-sighted by designer duds..luxury vehicles..family's immaculate abode..thinking,the world owed me something...forgetting that I'm not here by happenstance..nor am I here by my own doing. I'm here by some divine being up there somewhere who feels the need to fulfill my purpose and share my gift. You know,I'd lost focus on doing what is I love..seeing it for it's consumption,and not the feeling of compassion behind these dreams. I lost it. Now,I'm trying to regain the mindset in which I jumped into this endeavor with..I enjoy the thought of indulging in these wondrous blessings..I can't help but,feel change..I do feel my evolvement..I think,my life is forever changing..this time,lasting for good!

[sigh]

I'm learning. Moving. Changing. Growing. Giving more to be more.

(collectively,that is...)