Puff,puff..think?

It's been a cold few days. Not speaking of the weather. I'm speaking of everything that's been going on in the past couple of days. DJ and I came to the understanding that we need a break,especially since I'll be traveling the states..it's so amazing how things happen with the two of us. He's finally coming off the road,I jump on the road..Of course,it's difficult to digest,but realistically,this is what I need.

We held a pretty good conversation last night. Indubitably productive. Everything that held me down in any way,was verbalized, understood and respected. And,in all honesty, dude's can't do shit-you either,respect my mind or it's not for us. So, we hadn't been speaking for almost a week or two..I was into other things,slowly loosening my grasp on the thought of being in a relationship. I think,I've endured as much humiliation that I can handle. They always say,"After humiliation comes elevation", I firmly believe that. I do.

Today was a pretty good day for me,you guys. I woke up this morning,after having brought three years of tumultuous bullshit to an end, feeling refreshed, focused and incredibly light. I began to wonder if it was because I haven't had an appetite in two weeks..of course,I nibble here and there..spending money on fast food,taking two bites and disposing the meal. I haven't had any Red Bulls,I take a shitload of vitamins everyday..[not really a "shitload",it's actually just four; omega,multi,B & E] I woke up at 7am..Tootie and I went for a stroll on our block. Returned home,made coffee,did some straightening up..left out to go for my daily run.

I jogged for an hour..176 crunches..81 push ups. My mom pulls into the driveway,we sit inside have a little breakfast and more DECAF coffee. At about 10am,we decided to go and visit "Big Mama" at the hospital, who,when we arrived-was very coherent,laughing and mimicking my mom. It was a wonderful day. She felt better. Looked better. And,I can see that gleam in her eye. Geezers! I left my mom and grandmother,at the hospital..I headed home,had a bridal consultation at noon..but,on my way to the house to change,I decided to stop at my dad's grave and say "hello". I cried my ass off. I prayed and lifted the unbearable weight off of my shoulders,wiped my face and headed to the meeting feeling much,much better. I must admit.

After the meeting I went over to my friend,Josiah's house..of course,we rolled up and smoked like chimneys do..discussing how I was feeling,discussing how he felt with the guys he's dating..I rejoiced that all that is over. Even the guy I met the other day isn't talking to me. I don't know if it was something I said..or what. At this point,after reaching out..I couldn't care less. But,you know,it's how this "thing" goes. (waves) We went inside-I wish you could see the flooring,the guys he's paying mega bucks to remodel,is putting down. It looks awful.

Absolutely awful. It gives me some kind of..what's that shit called? Um...linoleum tiling. Dreadful. Jo falls asleep on the couch..I sit watching "MILK",then headed home..

As soon as I got home,received a phone call from my sister,asking me to accompany her to an event tonight. I accepted the invite. Wearing exactly what you see on the picture above. Denim vest..white v neck..scarf..Antik jeans..boots..Gucci pouch and my large 54's..I arrived on the set stoned. Ultra stoned. I couldn't make out anything they were saying. I was fucked up. Saw an old friend of the family,Dino from Universal, we sat and chopped it up for about twenty minutes. I wind up getting up,saying my goodbyes and leaving before they cut the cake and sing "happy birthday". I was over it. I really just wanted to be home. I stopped at the magazine stand on Broadway and made it home within twenty minutes.

I don't really have shit to "blog" about.

I'm bored. Stoned. Sitting here on the deck..smoking..

Wrapped up in my mom's handmade blanket from Cozumel.

I'm sleepy..

Good night.

What a day,What a day...

--->Today has been a very difficult day for me. Really,it has..my great-grandmother,who we call "Big Mama" came home from the hospital on yesterday. She experienced a minor heart attack and multiple strokes, on last Monday and now she's back home..and if I may be so blunt,she looks miserable. I wish I knew what she was thinking. She's 90 yrs old,she so used to doing her own thing-now and now everyone wants a say in what he does,what she eats, how she should lay..I was worn out. To the point where,I started to scream at everyone,because everyone wants to help but,noone knows what to do. I went through the same shit with my other great grandmother,you know? So,I think,I know the proper way to do things. I was utterly disgusted with everyone..especially,my drunk ignorant Uncle. Everyone has one of those guys. They want to help but,they're in the way..you know? That sort of thing.

Omg.
My eyes are welling up.
This is going to be strange for me,because she's my diva,you know? She's always praising me for being myself. She saw me the day before the heart attack and told me,"Jerime,I love your hair. It looks really good on you", then, she compliments my nails,"Is that Jerime,bringing the sunshine in here with those nails?" My nails were painted yellow..so,she thought it was comical,but she really loved it. We laughed and smiled. She acknowledges me as "my Handsome",I acknowledge her as "Diva"...

You guys,I know,I'm rambling..she's had a magnificent life. And,I mean magnificent!

It's just difficult for me to see her this way...that's all.
Forgive me.

[sighs & wipes a streaming tear]

I'm at home,now..bored out of my wits..I came home to Tootie pouncing all over the place. Bringing his toys into my lap..as I sit on my hardwood floor,writing a "rough draft" of this blog,in my notebook.. The house empty. Quiet. I rest my head on the footboard of my sleighbed and let the tears fall. Why am I crying? Good question. I'm not entirely sad...I mean,I spent my day laughing most of the time,my great aunt Helen,Mary & my Grandmother were there and when we're all together it's always a joyous time,because Aunt Helen cracks me up..she has me dying laughing all the time! Side splitting and all..she asks me,"J.,have you ever seen me without my teeth?" I laugh and say,"No,why?" She says,"I'm wondering,if that's why you're staring in my face like that!" Hilarious. She's a tough ol' lady..literally.

--->But,anyway..today is one of those days where I would've loved to come home and opened the door to see a BBC wearing somebody seated on the floor playing the X-box or PS2 on our flat screen..I'm acknowledged with a great big grin..he pauses it and walks over to me and kisses me. A passionate "welcome home" kiss. His colorful kicks beside the couch..his cap on the bar in the kitchen. I walk into my bedroom to get comfy and walk back to the living and sit between his legs,as he gets deeper and deeper into this game and I express my anguish..he notices my discomfort and he holds me close,inhaling his Marc Jacobs fragrance alleviates me..

I'm getting carried away with this..
CB.
lol..this shit is getting mad strong.


Signed...
RiRi.

Finally...

This is the new look..






what do you think?

Thoughts of the day..[4/1]

16 more days,before launch! And,boy am I excited!
I'm so anxious,I'd decided not to do my hair until the day before I leave.
It's going to be a challenge,but I think,it would be well worth it.
But,unfortunately,I made an appearance at the salon and felt compelled to have it styled properly. Soooo,I'm seated here under the dryer,at my moms salon..with newly painted shiny black nails and my hair slicked down to my forehead giving that "Little Richie" effect...It's sort of embarrassing being the ultra flamboyant one. Of course,it's kinda like my salon,because I micromanage,I stand on the marketing side mainly,but it's all good,I guess?! Right? Now,if I get a client,that's totally different. So,I'm just going to blog aimlessly...whatever comes to mind,I'll throw it out there. If some vulgarity poops it's way in-interjecting every now and again-understand I deal with a mild case of Touret's..which (please forgive me) I find it very funny..not in a making fun of them sort of way..but,in a "I've only every experienced the comical side of it,up until I sat on the train next to a guy and I,literally,pissed my pants discreetly laughing. But,yea,man..

Yesterday,nothing major happened..besides coming across a really nice guy,who gets "it". "It" being my style,my attitude..you know? Clairvoyance kicks in..feeling a certain way. Dude is mad genuine,very upfront..very straight forward...I can dig it. So,I spent the majority of my day chatting with him on the phone,laughing and comfortably conversing. I had an event at 5 o'clock, got there at 5:45p..super late,I was scheduled,last minute, to sing at a friend's engagement announcement at her church. So I sang."Encourage yourself" and "Memories" by Barbara Streisand..Looking very out of place..in black bubble pant...very fitted jean jacket,I love so much..and a white button down with a dress shoe of course,when the event was over,I tried to scurry quickly to the car,but everyone wanted to talk and yip yap in the vestibule...we stayed an extra hour. We went to a restaurant,but we all decided to leave and go home. We parted ways and I went home and went straight to bed. I returned a few phone calls and fell directly to sleep.

This morning,I wake up and get a call from Comedienne, Sheryl Underwood's team,asking if I'm available to do her make up for Essence Fest. So,that's fantastic,another great detail to insert into the resume`..lol..uhm..so,I head straight to my friend,Josiah's house and we roll up,light up... then we sit and listen to music..watch a movie (What's eating at Gilbert Grape?) Then, we roll up another,lit it up..and another is rolled..and waiting. I'm stoned out of my mind. Josiah aka Josh is sitting next to me,with his toy Chihuahua,"Chico" in his lap KNOCKED OUT! Lol! Hilarious. Feet propped up,dog in his lap,head aaaaaaalllllll the way back..wait,he's waking up...he's waking up...lol! What did I eat to day?Now,I'm having a blueberry bagel with turkey and pepperjack cheese and a glass of cabernet...and I'm sneakily feeding Chico pieces of turkey.

I feel like,one of those school girls who meet a guy and sort of likes the guy and writes in her online diary...because she knows he has access to it...

Start.
Shut Down.