"Chopped & Screwed"

-Can I share with you a secret?
Wait..before I tell you,promise me you won't tell anyone.

I have a crush on..
I'm experiencing..
I don't like him/her..

So many things bombard my mental. We're friends,right?
May I share with you,my views of infidelity between "friends"?
Are we even friends,if I can't trust you?

I think,we're more like,KiKi girlfriends..homeboys..associates..colleagues..business associates..smoking buddies..et cetera..et cetera..

I have come across a number of people in my lifetime. Those who leech themselves onto me expecting to suck something, if not everything, out of me. We hang out. We wine & dine. We party. We may even do a recreational drug,every now and again..I share secrets since,we've built a relationship on fun & fashion, now is the time to get serious. It's lovely that I haven't found anyone that I can trust fully. We share stories. I trust you enough to let you in. Personally,I'm very private when it comes down to my personal life. Who I'm dating..who I'm interested in..who I get intimate with,no one gets that close to know any of these things. Unless,of course,you're Darryl or Josh,my two closest friends. Of course,I have other friends who I share certain things with but,never everything.

I met someone in 2007,who came in contact with one of their old colleagues..she confides in him with a deep secret..but,before she tells him,she goes,"Don't tell anyone,though..please?" So,we have dinner later that night..at the dinner table,he blurts out her secret. I was repulsed. I feel like,this,I want you to be the friend to me,that I am to you. I'm trustworthy. Don't worry..I'm a secret safe..diary..whatever. I'm loyal to you..as long as you're loyal to me. Case & point.

I don't know what to think anymore.
Do I want to become one of those people with social anxiety? Afraid to go out and meet new folk,carcass and build relationships? I don't,but truthfully..I'm on my way. I just feel all this "infidelity within friendship" is soo juvenile. We're adults. We should carry on,as such. I was friends with Jalon since we were 6 years old..he hears a rumor about me,he runs off with it. Leaving me in the dark,unaware and heartbroken. CHOP. Gregory (the pathological liar) and I had been friends since high school. The only person that had my back..or so I thought. He left me high and dry many times..I still had his back and remained true. Dude spread rumors and personal business of mine. I never thought it would get to that. CHOP. Chris pulled me through during a tough time,only to try and slander my reputation. Steal my characteristics and actually attempted to BE me! Who does that? I shared some things with him. He ran off by the mouth and what? CHOP!
I could go on and on and on and on. But,I'm not Erykah Badu..so,I'll pass.

Who knew? I would stand here "true friend-less",but associate bound? Unable to trust anyone for that matter.
Broken hearted. And,bitter as fuck,truthfully speaking.

At this point in my life,I don't seek friendships. I don't expect much from people. I feed them with a "long handle" spoon. It's only fair. I still hold many of these people's secrets to this day. Should I expose them? I think,I should..but,I couldn't possibly bring myself to doing things like that.

What do we do in these predicaments?
I often hear,"pray for them" or "they'll get what's coming to them"..I suppose they will reap what they sow.
But,while I suffer from slanderous and betrayal..they are off living these lavish lives.
How could this be?

Friends.
How many of us have them?
Obviously,I don't..