Stone Diaries

Hey.
Thanks for stopping by,again.
Gimme a second,I'm rolling up..

Ok.
Before i begin,do I really need to say this is one of those moments,where I'm gonna pour a deep Burrough of myself on to [web]paper..for complete strangers [you] to read..
Ok.
[sighs]
I've come to find,I'm emotional because my dad was emotionless. I'm flighty because my mom is flighty..maybe I have it backwards..but,the negative sides to those [e]qualities is that I tend to be really needy and unstable. I can be irresponsible and flaky. I'm not a stone that doesn't feel ,I'm totally in touch with my emotions . And,I find that I'm a better dreamer because of my flightiness. I'm a better projector of all possibilities,I'm restrained and guarded and not so spastic. My life hasn't been easy. Just like,my barbie-my hearts been broken..so,has hers.
I've been single for two years,I'm totally comfortable where I am. Nothing more to focus on other than my work . So,he came at a good time. When the passion is bubbling.
-He slept over one night. It was pretty cool. He on his back..my head resting on his underarm..we fell asleep watching Rambo 4just made it back from a night at the river. He comforting me,after my house was burgularized. His six foot frame,lying comfortably beside me. We fit. His green & black high top Gucci sneakers looked right,on myhardwood floor..I'm smitten,kinda..a gentleman, an advisor, a true force to be reckoned with. And,he came at a time where I'm not really looking for a relationship. My single days are the best days for me,nI've always been in serious relationships..but,you learn more about yourself when you're by yourself.Honestly, I was enjoying the process. Friends asks "Love at first sight"? Not likely.
I do,however,believe in feeling connected. Love is something that grows from being nourished;it builds.

Pardon me..

This was suppose to be about "freedom"
Freedom to me? Being extricated from a "threshold"; my definition "off top". I'm seeking freedom from this crazy creatively constrained mind of mine,lol.

[lights the blunt]

A mind that is constantly ram bushed with ideas,emotions, to-do lists, appointments, emailing/texting ideas to my Marketing/PR [Mariah & Bria]..anger,excitement & creating blissful perception all at the same time.

I'm so thankful my mother raised me to have a creative mind. Freedom often envisioned as a place in my life where everything plays less of a part than we make them out to be. Things are never as bad as they seem..although,this is hard for me to digest,also..[rolls eyes]..No,I won't have a tantrum because I cant afford to get those jeans and those sneakers.,at the same time.We just need to wait for the next check..none of that is seen as a big deal,anymore.
A life free from material..(yea,right)..I love to look pretty. I love be stylistic. I live a fab life with a harsh reality. (lol) Ever since I was a child,I've been attracted to shiny things. Can't help it.

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttttttt!
FREEDOM FROM MATERIAL.

[p2]
Being 23, loved a time or two, gorgeous..but,equally flawed. I seek freedom from approval,also..

Let the truth be told. I fall hard..I'm not one of those guys that fall easily-although,it sounds,better (fall "easily")-but,I'm a tough cookie or as my Great Grandmother,"Big Mama" has joked my entire life,"J.,you're a tough pill to swallow". I've gone from "you're going to be..", to "you are a..". Gotta love progress.

I'm straightforward. I don't do much corner cutting. I search for the easiest & realest way to come at you. Often times,I find myself standing alone..either in ankle length Ferragamo boots or Thom Browne's calfe skin leather lace ups..but,my single world has been shaken, having met this young fellow. .we'll call him *the new guy* or "Mr. Fashion",those are the names best suitable for him. We've encountered a rough patch coming to "that point",in our "getting to know process"-the point where he realizes I'm not like the others. It's admirable. We're at the point where we're telling our mom's about one another. It's cute. I went out with friends last night,an old friend that I hadn't seen in a year or two,stopped by and we sat at the dinner table,eating and catching up with one another. We sat there and discussed the romantic aspects of our lives and our past endeavors. It was fun. I explain the details of the "rough patch"we'd encoutered..he asks about the other prospects,I speak of another fellow in Atlanta, I'm sharing my attention between the two. Both of their bodies are like,"BAM!!" Except one is yellow..the other is chocolate..mmm..(licks lips)

Anyway..
What does freedom have to do about this?
I wish I was free to engage in a relationship without the apprehension. I'm accepted for who I am. Noone has asked me to change for anything..they are both great admirers of my style.. I'm an admirer of Mr. Fashion's style..he's someone to keep around (winks)

Dudes & Dudettes,I'm stoned..
Gonna take a minute..take a few pics..and talk to you at another date..
I just wanted to get some shit off my mind.

Feeling better..

It's been mad long since my last entry. Everything has been everything,in the between time. But,I'm no longer speaking on the past and that's what matters,no?

I've been on tour. Traveling alot. Doing "the most". Gaining weight. Working. Chiefing. Gain more weight.

(I'm usually a 26w,I'm now wearing a 28w-which doesn't sit well with me)

But,I've been working tirelessly. The way I like it to be done. Smoke myself out on our break. And,go back working and filling my schedule more and more,the way I long for life to be. Semi-"jet setting",lol. My dog has a Mohawk..he's feeling very punk/edge this season. (pics coming soon)

North Carolina,was our first destination. It was an incredible 1st event. Got to network and spend time with Tasha. I can never get enough of her encouraging words.I swear she lifts my spirits. She's lovely. We've added a few people to the panel,Actress; AJ Johnson,Fashion Stylist/BET Correspondent;Michaela Angela Davis, Singer;Eric Roberson,singer & daughter of Legend,Donnie Hathaway,;Lalah Hathaway, Producer/Actress;Daphne Valerius,and some other folk stopped by along the way. Went much better than it did last year and the talent was absolutely ridiculous! My make up team was incredible! They really blew my mind. The Atlanta team was incredible also,very homely down to earth people. Adorable guys..I had a great team. It was beautiful and most importantly no confrontations. Except a little "spazzing" out, Stacey does. Forgetting that her reigning days are over,lol. But,she's amazing at what she does,don't get me wrong. But,her perception of me is totally screwed and I fight to show what I'm capable of. The limits that are presented will be crossed every single time and when it comes to my BRAND,I,too,must represent my business to the full extent. And,if that means,ignoring a member of management for a mini conversation with AJ Johnson about working with her on an upcoming project,"Hell yes, I'm going to ignore you!" So,there was a little chip on her shoulder and dared me to knock it off. It was knocked off. So many people think,I'm new to this and I'm so young in mind...I'm not young,darling..I'm a new feel. You're soo traditional it's horrific. You know? But,it's what is. No reason to have even brought that up.
It was too weird.

I'm on break now. I've been relaxing. Taking time to think and analyze some things in life-you know we get to that point every now & again-thinking of the "what ifs",no long really acknowledging "what is",you feel me?

I'm doing this little dating thing,again. New guy. Great fashion sense. He has me open. He's multifaceted. Sings, writes, awesome style,he thinks and speaks and he's really into me. He pieces me together. Which is awesome. He tells me I'm beautiful. There's a new haircut. I continue to chop,chop,chop length off..speaking of chop,chop,chopping..I can't stop fucking eating! I'm eating lemon braised chicken,mashed potatoes,grilled veggies, four rolls with mad butter and water on the first night. Second night,Molasses braised lamp chop,broccoli and red wine. Room service two nights in a row. Third night,burger at nearby bar/diner,sweet potato fries and onion rings..large onion rings. (gawd!) Fourth day,3 cups of coffee and an egg with grits & cheese. That evening,soul food from some ghetto place in Atlanta..Chic-fil-a salad that night. Since I've been on break,it's been unbearable. I eat mad food,I have one of those grandmothers that cook a whole meal every single day..so, I'm eating a broiled steak and onions, white rice with vegetable and cornbread..some kind of greens and baked chicken,cornbread & cabbage..you know? Shit like that,just eating! And,I'm feeling I need to lose 10lbs. So,that's what I'm working on. Losing weight.

Did some shopping last week..nothing major..jeans & sneakers..$500 on two pair of sneaks..it's hard,man. I have a shopping addiction. I need to go to rehab for this addiction. Confession of a Shopaholic is said to be MY movie. I'm dying here. Also, there's DeRay,he's still in the picture. He's currently in Barbados on vacation. I should have gone with him..Bora-Bora,next week. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm gonna try and go a week without my phone. Of course,my laptop will be with me..but,I was told there won't be time to check my emails,I'll be too busy relaxing. It's going to be an awesome trip,I believe. White sands. Calming waters. Exfoliation. Relaxation. Oh,geez-I just envisioned it and pre-came..that shit is serious,you guys!

I'm addicted.

Anyway,life has been good. My spot was burglarized and ram shacked on yesterday,but I'm staying focused. I didn't expose any emotion. They tried to kill my dog. It's been pretty interesting. I'm infuriated,quite honestly..but,what can you do,until they're caught? He'll be dead,though. I can assure you,he'll be dead.

As,I was saying,life has been good. Traveling. Having time to indulge and go crazy with passion,you know? I can't afford not to be passionate and go crazy. Every opportunity given is a bigger,more advance preparation test for the "real deal",lol!
Trust me.

Anyway,
I'm tired..gonna crash.
Nite,nite.